Happy-making Things

So it's been a bit of a rough week, so here's some things that are making me happier.

• Cuddling with my girlfriend. I felt so gross before she came over. But after two hours of cuddling, I feel almost like normal.
• She called me her girlfriend for the first time this week and told her mom about us.
  
• The new "Glee" is on. As much as its disability fails anger me (and some other fails), it can really amuse me and take my mind off other things.
• My professors have been great about me needing extra time and being very kind to me.
  

Gives me Hope, pt. two of many

It's been a hard week, but it's starting to get better, so I thought I would post somethings that give me hope:

• Finding people who are passionate about feminism, especially in someone I didn't expect to have that passion.
• Passion in general.
• Created families.
  
• My best friend. For helping me with my anger despite all she has to deal with. For not leaving me. For being the best person I know.
• Teachers who buy school supplies out of their own small salaries so that the kids can have basic supplies.
• Greg Mortenson
• Cuddling
• How hard people work to get an education.
• How hard people work to survive and to help their loved ones survive.
• Countries who try to measure their Gross National Happiness
• The ideals behind the Olympics
• When North and South Korea marched together at an Olympic opening ceremony

What gives you hope?

Gives me Hope, part one of many

So thanks to Annie, I recently found a website called Gives Me Hope. So here are some things that give me hope.

1. My doctor who, among other things, lets me email her as often as I want, asks about my life, and helps make sure I can afford my treatment.
   
2. The specialist who, a year ago, offered to treat me for a decreased rate so that I could afford it.
3. My roommate who (despite not having severe chronic pain) is always willing to listen to me talk about disableism, understands more about it than most fairly-healthy people, and is willing to admit that she doesn't know everything about chronic illness and disability.
4. My other best friend, wh0 is always there to listen to me, take me to medical appointments and who has done more than I can say for me.
5. People who deal with my health problems in a way that makes me feel respected and happy.
6. Friends made online.
7. People who laugh with me at my health jokes.
   
8. Chronicbabe.com
9. Feminists with disabilities

Birth Control

Next up on my list of treatments is birth control. I may start next week. I really hope it works, but it seems unlikely. After all, I've tried over 20 medications.

But I'm scared: part of me is hopeful that this might help and that hope could be a problem. The more hope I have, the more it will hurt when the treatment doesn't work. And despite how many things I try--pills, injections and alternative treatments--it always hurts when it fails. I try to be as pessimistic as possible about the possibilities so that it will hurt less. (Sometimes people who don't have similar health problems try to convince me this is the wrong way to go about it. But I'd rather fall from a low height, of low expectations, than a high one.) I've fallen over 20 times and it still hurts every time. I think I cry every time.

So here's a hope it helps. And here's a reminder that it probably won't and that I have friends, online and in meatworld, who will be there to help when it falls apart again. And here's to hope. To still having hope. And to the strength it takes to still have hope and to keep trying treatements instead of saying "sod it."